i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
