By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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