if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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