I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
