remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
