If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
