I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
