she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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