Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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