do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
