i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
