We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
