I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
