u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
