I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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