I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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