I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
