You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
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Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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