That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
