So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
