Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I am naked and annoyed.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
