She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
