Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
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I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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