ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
