I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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