I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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