I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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