five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
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im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Let's get the cat blown out
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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