My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
worst night to have a conscience
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
