P.S. I can't hear my feet
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
