woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
