WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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