Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
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