is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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