She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize