Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
