ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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