First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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