I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
