I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
