I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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