chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
