woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
