when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
