we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
