Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
