He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
