bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
