I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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