you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
