let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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