I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
