1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants