i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
