You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
