How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power