Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
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I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"