i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.