Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ðð