i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
