who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
