So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
