This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
