WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
