I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
