there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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