A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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