all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
