who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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