No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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