sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sober January is a disaster.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
