He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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