clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
