first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
