Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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