we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
