how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
3pm strippers are depressing
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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