Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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