Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
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Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now