You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.