If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The Olympian is in my bed