Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
